Lethal
by ColonelPony
Summary: You smell like his sweat again. And as soon as I realize this, my body is on fire with the pain of my heart.   AU, OOC, BoysLove, Mature Content
1. Chapter 1

You smell like his sweat again.

As soon as I realize this my body alights with the pain of my heart, as though I've been set aflame. It was that one-of-a-kind sensation of sickening despair.

You smile at me, sweet and sadistic at the same time. Do you take joy in the hurt I bear because of your selfish desires?

When the door slips shut behind you and you move closer to me and you place your filthy, soft hand on my cheek my heart stammers to life again. Not because of your musky cologne or that predatory smirk masking your face, but because I know where that hand has been.

However, my eyes are closed before I know it and our lips are sealed together in a sinful kiss. Despite myself, I continue to let you poison me—as it is an intoxicating wonder.

My thin arms find themselves wrapping around your neck in a silent invitation, though I do not recall consenting to the action.

Eternity passes by within the span of a few seconds and then we are separated once more, your mouth moving on to bigger, better things.

I'm not surprised to find that your lips tasted of alcohol and semen.

Cognition evades me as I find myself pinned to the mattress of our cheap bed, which squeaks in protest beneath our combined weight.

Skin is bared within the minute and I cannot tell whose scalding flesh belongs where and what part of me is not a part of you. My mind is a horrid mess of pleasure and intense storms of jealousy as I idly wonder what position you used with him. Like our flesh, indecent sounds blur and echo in the small confines of the messy bedroom, joined in an animalistic ceremony of lust.

As you finish inside of me and I lay already spent, my mind is finally able to sharpen; in turn the ache of my soul increases with every gasping breath you take pulling out of me.

You are sick, and you have poisoned me. Now I am just as vile, and putrid, and ugly.

You remove yourself with that same knowing smirk. You head toward the unclosed door, giving me a final glance—is that regret I see?—before leaving me alone to my thoughts.

It's the last thing I need. As if I don't bleed enough.

I slowly sit, by whole body sore inside and out. Staring down at the mess left upon the bed disgusts me even further, yet I have no intention of moving.

Inklings of a past time drift through my head.

They're happy memories—peaceful, and safe, and full of certainty. I am surprised for a moment when I remember that I actually used to believe you loved me. It seemed so real then. Was that truly only a few months ago...? The impossibility of it hits me anew, like a harsh slap to the face.

Inevitably, the tears arrive—tears I gave up fighting long ago. My sobs are not quiet, or gentle, or in any way as feminine as my outer appearance.

They are body-racking, throat-scratching sobs, and so I hold myself.

I cry harder at the reality that you must have heard me, that you must have known my tears would come, and yet you left me alone like this.

I think back and I can't believe I used to trust you with my life. What a crazy notion.

And again the inevitable, for it was a mere routine to you, and I.

Questions bombarding me from left and right, so many of them, albeit they were nothing new.

'How could you?' and 'I thought you loved me!' and 'What happened to the man I fell in love with?'

Often followed by... 'What did I do wrong?' and 'What does he have that I don't?'

They were ceaseless, penetrating my frail heart like so many times before.

Until... it struck me as odd.

A new one wormed its way into my conscience. The thought halted my tears with finality, and I whispered the question aloud, as if the delicate thought was unreal and fragile.

"What would you do if I left you forever...?"

I sat still for a few moments, letting the idea marinate thoroughly.

Could I cause you a pain even a fraction of my own? Would it hurt you at all? Surely it must...

And would I regret it?

Well, the dead cannot regret.

Wiping my face roughly of its tear stains, I stood, determination shining in my dark eyes.

You would pay for what you've done. You would suffer.

You would feel the guilt. I would be sure of that.


	2. Chapter 2

Pale skin, red blood.

My heart was calm, my mind was content.

The pain was immense-

__It hurt, it hurt so bad____ly____-__

But in comparison to what you've put me through it was a welcomed relief.

I dropped the blade on the floor next to me.

My skin was cold, just like your heart.

As my physical senses slowly drained, the anger I'd been holding back all these months erupted in an unstoppable torrent.

I cursed you.

I do curse you, with every fiber of my being, I wish you Hell.

Weakness took over me and I slumped against the wall, but I didn't mind.

Because damn you, you selfish and ignorant Godsend. You disgusting, filthy, beautiful thing. I loathe you, yet I love you unceasingly.

By then my vision was mostly blurred and the pain mostly numbed.

I could feel how near I was drawing to the nothingness that awaited a soul like mine.

Will you come for me...?

Irrationally, I felt a wave of erratic fear overtake me—I don't want to be alone, I don't want to lose you! Where will I go? Please, God...

My final thoughts were elusive and dull, hardly there.

Then, nothing.


	3. Chapter 3

I groaned as the phone rang, turning into the familiar warmth next to me. A tender smile greeted me, followed by a chaste kiss.

"Sleep well?" I mumbled to my companion, ignoring the annoying device altogether.

He responded with a lazy nod, watching me watch him. Just as I leaned in to coax another kiss from him, the phone hit voicemail.

"Naruto. It's me."

I froze in surprise and curiosity, though anger quickly took a hold. How dare he call me here? I was with-

"This is goodbye..."

I rolled my eyes in exasperation. He could be so dramatic sometimes.

Remembrance struck me and I glanced to the lovely figure that lay next to me, a mixture of annoyance and confusion twisting his smooth features.

I suddenly heard crying, and was momentarily confused.

"Thank you for teaching me the meaning of love. And curse you for ripping it away from me."

The voice in the speaker wavered painfully, though whether with anger or despair I couldn't tell.

And that was it.

The line went dead, a conclusive "beep" hitting my ears.

I stared in that general direction for a minute, not quite comprehending.

"Your boyfriend needs to get a life," Sai grumbled, climbing out of bed naked.

"So, what do you want for breakfast?"

I still lay in bed silently, my brain working a million miles a minute. Of course I knew what he was implying... But would he really do it? And was it really all because of me?

The thought caught me as odd, yet it had a ring of truth to it.

Slowly, ever so slowly, reality dawned on me.

"He's going to kill himself because of me..."

Sai stared at me with a blatant "duh" look on his face.

"Yeah, I guess psychotic is another one of those endearing qualities we can add to the list. Now, tell me what you want to eat. And I swear to God if you say ramen-"

I was already getting dressed in a hurry, mentally slapping myself for having been so slow.

Sai's ramblings fell on deaf ears and I was out the door before he could finish.

* * *

><p>I entered our home the same way I had left Sai's place—in a frantic rush.<p>

Everything that stood before me was an obstacle (damn door) and time was my enemy.

I was afraid.

So unbelievably afraid of it all.

Where I was had become a haze in my hurry, but it all clicked into place when I tripped and fell to the floor.

Over a body.

A familiar, fair, cold, pale body.

It took my mind a while to register that the lukewarm puddle I had fallen in was blood.

_His _blood. So—So much of it.

I raised my trembling hand to my face in shock. Blood...

And finally I steeled myself, bringing my eyes upon the body slouched against the wall before me.

His amazingly soft, white skin—impossibly drained of what little color it had, had.

The gash in his arm... God, could someone really do that to __their self__?

I sat motionless for a good few minutes, not yet fully grasping any of it.

My thoughts came in short, random strands.

Blood. Too much.

Is he already dead?

What do I do?

So much blood, so much...

Was this really my fault?

How could I not have seen this?

How could I have been so cruel?

Sasuke...

Sasuke.

__Sasuke.__

"Well shit man, he seriously did it. Are you gonna call 911, or are you just going to sit there like an idiot?"

Of course, 911! God, of course.

Wait, what?

Sai...?

"Sai, what are you doing here-"

"Yes, hello. My lover's boyfriend just cut himself to death I think. Yes, lots of blood. It's gross, so hurry up. 2768 Cedar Road. Oh I'm not freaking out—you should see Naruto."

I gaped at him.

Did he think this was some kind of joke?

No, it sure as Hell wasn't funny.

It was...mortifying. Sickening, even.

With that, I became overwhelmed with a wave of agony and anger. In that moment I can honestly say that I hated myself.

And Sasuke! What an idiot! What a complete, utter fool! How dare he leave me like this. How dare he-

I looked up at Sai, whom was still on the phone with the 911 dispatcher.

Sai. Of course.

My own voice startled me as I spoke and it faltered with un-shead tears.

"Get out."

The other stared at me dumbly, phone held at his side.

"Get out right now. This is your fault."

"Naruto come on, don't-"

"Get __out__!"

A frown deepened his pretty pale face, a feature he shared with Sasuke, and he dropped the phone into the pool of blood wordlessly.

He left in the same manner.

When he was finally out of sight, I pulled Sasuke's frail body to my own and held onto him tight, ignoring the blood seeping onto my own clothing.

Tears joined in on my silent tragedy.

The world was closed off for just me and him. I pet his dark hair gently, murmuring pointless coos and pleas.

"My dear Sasuke... My lovely, darling Sasuke... My angel... Don't leave me..."

All the while, the faint sound of sirens in the background stroked my ears.


End file.
